“If we do not know how to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves, we cannot take care of the people we love”.
Thich Nhat Hanh
January has come and gone, and with it, any last remnants of the holiday season. As we look forward to the next occasion to celebrate, we land on Valentine’s Day. We mark this day by expressing our feelings of love and affection to those around us. Perhaps we do this in a romantic sense with a candlelit dinner and red roses, or maybe in a more familial way, with sweet messages to our children. Children, too, take this day to spread some love to their peers. I distinctly remember distributing small cut out Valentine’s Day cards to my classmates in elementary school, and later sending carnations to friends in high school.
What does Valentine’s Day celebrate?
Looking beyond the hallmark cards and the chocolate hearts, what does Valentine’s Day really celebrate? If we remove the cynicism that comes hand-in-hand with this holiday, we can recognize that it’s an opportunity to express love to those who matter most in our lives.
We often put Herculean amounts of effort into planning ways to show others we love them. We consider their likes and dislikes, as well as their individual preferences for what they consider to be pampering or relaxing. We plan intricate outings and select gifts carefully and thoughtfully. How often do we use this same framework when thinking of ourselves? Many of us do not prioritize our own needs, deeming this act selfish or self-indulgent.
Here’s a radical thought for you: Can you take that love you spread outwardly and direct it inward?
What is self-love?
Yes, I’m talking about self-love. We hear a lot about it in the media today, and the idea may seem far-fetched or difficult to know. Let’s simplify things and release ourselves from the pressure of perfecting this craft. We do not need to find ‘just the right way’ to practice self-love. Let’s take it as an invitation to slow down, prioritize our health and well-being and take a few moments to tend to our inner world. If we listen carefully, we’ll know what we need.
How does self-love relate to brain injury?
I often see this lack of self-compassion, self-love, self-care when working with those who are recovering from brain injury. I have met innumerable clients who feel they need to push themselves harder.faster.stronger in order to recover. However, I find it is usually the opposite that helps them make progress. I work to show them that it is vital to slow down, breathe and listen to their inner teacher. Trust themselves.
I’ve written many blog posts with tips and ideas to get started on any given topic (12 Days of Wellness, Tips for Attention, Tips for Short-term Memory, Word Finding Strategies, Tips for Vacation after TBI), however, I feel self-love is a personal journey. So, instead of presenting an enumerated list of ideas, I invite you to take a few moments for yourself to consider: What do you need? Whether you are a caregiver, a professional or someone living with brain injury, use that question as a jumping off point to try to do something you enjoy and start a practice of self-love.